Today was no such day. One of my usual dog park cohorts is a lovely lady who we'll call Lindsay. Lindsay is married to nice man, they have two dogs that Sabrina, my dog, can't get enough of. So there are, Lindsay and I chatting about life in Culver City when the subject of spawns come up. She tells me that she and her husband are perfectly happy and have opted not to have children. Ever. I tell her that the thought of NOT having children never crossed my mind until this year actually and that I felt like it wouldn't be life ruining or a must, for me, I didn't think.
Well, what do you, the nosy lady with the annoying dog that my dog pee's on pretty regularly, just had to opine. She informed us that we were wrong and that eventually it was in our nature, in our DNA that we would have a natural need and desire to pro-create. The fact that we didn't ask for an opinion, didn't seem to matter. She went on to tell us that not only would we feel unfulfilled but that we were psychological pre disposed to self hatred and self doubt if we chose to not fulfill this natural need to breed.
Lindsay did not take this well. She said that she was now in her late 30's, entering her 40s and that she loved her life with her husband and dogs and felt fulfilled. Our Baby Whisperer told her that she was going to wake up at 45 and wish that she had been pregnant, felt a baby grow inside her and give birth, not because having a baby and pro-creating was the "right" choice for everyone, but because we are biologically engineered to need that.
Lindsay told her to F off and went home to have sex with her husband in the daylight with no fear of children peaking over, but I was left to ponder what the crazy lady was saying. Now, let me be extremely and incredibly clear - I DO NOT want to have a baby right now. I take my BC religiously even if I, well, might always have a reason to (unfortunately). BUT this thought of somehow reaching an age where having a child was no longer an option and feeling as though I'd not only missed out, but I was less of woman somehow for it, made me angry.
I mean, its not enough that women have to deal with all sorts of insecurities, now we also have to question our womanhood if we get to a certain age and don't do the one thing we've been trying to avoid doing all of these years? I am somehow less womanly if I'm not a mother?
I don't know about that. Actually, I do. I don't agree. The truth is, families take all different forms now and maybe rallying a family of two + dog wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Travel would be easier, dinners would be easier, hell, even driving to the grocery store would be easier.
I"m not saying I don't want to procreate one day; I might. I'm just saying that I don't think my life will be less full or less beautiful if I don't. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I made a lot of plans over the past few years and NONE of them worked out. Life laughed at my plan. The marriage, the kids, the job, the life in New York did not work out the way I planned for it, so I improvised. You can only plan so much and learning to be flexible is really whats gonna make you happy. We all adjust right? We learn to appreciate what we have. Plus, as I get older, the list of non-negotiables with a partner grows a little longer, so its nice to know that there's a pretty big one I can compromise on. Maybe I'll change my mind later, but I refuse to believe Lindsay isn't right and that she's somehow not entitled to or not able to be as happy if she never has to buy diapers as she is right now buying dog toys.