I once knew a couple who seemed perfectly lovely. They weren't particularly combative or too affectionate in public. She was pretty, he was handsome.
At the wedding I began to realize a few strange things about them. She walked down the aisle to "Every Breathe You Take" by the Police. Odd, because that song has always struck me as a bit of a stalker song. I was instantly uneasy. And yes, I was perhaps a little jaded, but if I was entering into a lifelong commitment with someone else again ( and that's a pretty monumental "if") , the last thing I'd want to hear is "every step you take, I'll be watching you". I'd want something a little more in the vein of..."go hang out with your girlfriends, i won't stalk you, but also won't be cheating on you," kind of song.
I was retelling this story to a friend who found it appalling that I didn't find the song incredibly romantic. I of course said that I did... But in a very creepy, stalker way which everyone can take a moment to acknowledge now and then quickly x out of their ex boyfriend or girlfriends Facebook profile. We are drawn to songs like that because at some point we've felt that desperate and incredibly irrational overwhelming and intoxicating feeling we've been trying to forget.
Which brings me to the point, that the way we feel about "romance" is colored by two things. 1) Our prior experiences and 2)The person engaging in the romantic act. I will share with you that I recently met a guy at a bar. I spoke to him enough to know I found him attractive, but his friend was sitting next to me, I'd already started flirting with him, I continued though I probably should have just switched seats so I could talk to the other guy. At the end of the night he didn't ask me for my number and the guy I was talking to asked my friend out. Zero points Gab. I left and mentioned to my girlfriend that I would have liked to have seen the guy again, but I honestly didn't even remember his name.
What do you know, a few days later, he found me on Facebook and asked me out. I thought it was incredibly sexy that someone take the initiative like that. I'm a sucker for men acting like men and taking charge and ..well, that will become a whole other blog post, but I think you're picking up what I'm throwing down. In this case, I found this action romantic because 1) my prior experience has been mostly with people who do not take chances like that or maybe play it a little safer and 2) I find the person on the other end attractive.
I overheard the same conversation this morning at the dog park where a woman was telling her girlfriend that some psycho creepo she met at the bar who she barely talked to somehow found her on Facebook and tried to ask her out. Clearly her dude was not half as funny as the dude I'm gonna go out with this week.
No wonder guys are so scared to make a move sometimes. How can you interpret everything our complicated species says or does. It's impossible. We probably don't know half the time ourselves, especially because we change out minds as we get to know you.
But you have to take a chance I think.
The creepy couple with the Police song are still married. Going on 4 years.