The Dangers of Comfort

Mom, maybe you shouldn't read this post.

I discovered I couldn't watch very scary movies when I was in college. I partially attribute this deficiency in my cinematic history knowledge to being Catholic. Those nuns sure knew how to put the fear of God and satan in you all at the same time, so much so that it was sometimes scary even to sleep with the lights on with all of the bleeding crucifixes lurking around. When you're a kid, those relics are terrifying. The right one can scare me now I can't even think back to poor little year old me. I think I've blocked it out.

The reason I discovered this inability to actually watch one though was in college . I'm pretty sure it was the Mothman Prophecies. Even saying the name gives me shivers, but I discovered I couldn't watch it because I went to see it with a date. If I remember correctly, my boyfriend and I were on a break and some looser asked me out that I didn't even like, but I figured, what the hey. I went.

To make the long story short the guy I didn't even like very much lived in my apartment for a week straight, just so I didn't have to sleep alone. He would have stayed longer, but my roommate ended up getting back from her study abroad session earlier and I could finally "break up" and move on with my life. She slept in my bed for a solid week until I could sleep alone again. Imagine if I would have seen The Exorcist?!

I say this to say, comfort can be a very dangerous thing. I mean, if looser moth man guy would have been halfway decent I probably would have ended up dating him and all because I just needed a little comfort for a moment. Had he been able to carry on a conversation, he may have ended up being my first husband. (well, lets not go that far, but you catch my drift).

The 'Comfort Drug' gets worse as you get older because now you have real problems, unlike you're pseudo problems in college. So you're having a bad day. Your boss sucks, you're not making enough money and the guy you like is shacking up with someone else and telling you all of the heart-breaking details. You're tough though, so you don't let anyone see you squirm.You're older now, those days of calling up your booty call ex are behind you...but are they?

I get it, its nice to feel held and wanted and appreciated by someone that knows you. Not a stranger at a bar, (though sometimes, that's just what the doctor ordered too), but someone who knows how to comfort you. That person that knows just what to say and how to stroke your hair and touch your face so you know it'll be okay.

I fall into this trap sometimes with my non sexual crush and my friend Victoria is always quick to point out that the WORST thing I can do is let him comfort me, because that's how we get into trouble. That's how things get grey, that's how I get confused and how I end up in situations that I don't need to end up in. That's how the weird non visible strings start to show up until I don't know how I feel or he feels or more importantly how I WANT to feel about the whole thing.

So if you're like me and you have a couple of people who you enjoy comfort from and your intentions (or their intentions) are muddled - cuddle up with your girlfriend instead. Let them comfort you or self soothe with some wine,  bad music that only you enjoy and that incredibly trashy magazine because comfort is a gateway drug. It leads to weird crappy pseudo relationships that no one escapes unscathed. Proceed with Caution.