You meet a cute guy at a bar, you start chatting. He has a low raspy voice, he smells amazing, and his breath has just a tiny hint of your favorite scotch. You strike up a conversation and find out he's a producer, he's got a dog, and its taking everything in you not to start planning the processional to your fake -never-happening wedding to this guy. You tell your friends you may have met "the one" and you start planning your weekend getaway trips to San Diego. You fantasize about your adorable 2 kids and how you and your better half will create dynamic power plays in your field.
After a couple weeks he smells like gross cheap booze, his dog has shit everywhere, he has roommates that annoy you and you realize that producer means unemployed with the occasional PA job. Suddenly you're planning the breakup. How are you going to get out of this with the least amount of scarring?
You start planning what you're going to say about what went wrong. You'll blame it on the dog, you'll blame it on the roommates. You'll blame it on your schedule, but there is one dirty prejudice you don't always want to admit to. When it boils down to it you're embarrassed about his job.
How much does some one's occupation influence their overall appeal? I had a girlfriend who dated a waiter once. I'm sorry, he was a part time waiter, part time party boy, part time dreamer who didn't have a then discernible talent. Our friends were sure that they would never work out. She left the country a few times with little more than informing him of her travels.
Another good friend, a smart woman as well, also found herself a boy toy. Never taking the unemployed writer/actor seriously, she cheated on him constantly.
I won't bore you with the details, but I will tell you that both of these women are now happily married to those men.
They are the exception.
In general, I find that women, whether we admit it or not, are very judgmental about our chosen mate's chosen profession. It doesn't help that our mothers first questions tend to be, "What's his name? What does he do? What does he look like?"It instantly invites judgement. We start second guessing our crushes upon the judgment of others and what starts as inquisitive fodder from our loved ones turns into a introspective inquisition about what we want out of our lives and if this person can provide it.
Because there in lies the detail. Women plan ten steps ahead. We see a man and instantly evaluate him not only on physical characteristics of height, weight and the size of his..shoulders, but also on his ability to "hunt" and provide. We want him to show him off and have everyone be jealous of our chosen specimen who can take care of everything and is gorgeous.
But is that a mistake? I asked several ladies and the overwhelming response was "YES, but I would never admit it in public."
I don't know what the answer is to the question of should your spouses career matter, but I guess the answer is "maybe". I venture to guess that I would probably not like dating a cop or that it wouldn't work out between me and a republican congressman, but should you nix potential matches because your mate's chosen profession is a "dream" profession or because they work at Starbucks?